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 作者 : John M. Gottman, Joan Deciaire
書評 : George Zee
內容簡介 :
I've been recommending to numerous groups Gottman and co-authors' books, esp. the less technical ones: The Heart of Parenting (which is in Chinese also), Why Marriages Succeed or Fail and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
With almost 3 decades of research of actual interactions, Gottman and teams' books are always filled with vivid and enlightening examples. The touching personal stories, elucidating questionnaires, exercises and long lists of "what to do" are all helpful and practical. They hold up multi-dimensioanl mirrors to explorations. Without having to do any formal meditation, you can grow in awareness and mindfulness.
Given the plethora of popularization, it might sound trite to relate this book to E.Q. (Emotional Intelligence). But it IS one of the best books for developing mindful emotional connections. That's why I need to qualify it with "authentic E.Q.". Please note in particular "Emotional Intelligence Versus Detachment and Denial" (pp. 158-160).
Please read the informative Book Description and the review by Mitchell (one of my "favorite people"). In Step One, breaking down communication to the basic unit of exchange, "bidding", and responding (turning toward, away or against), helps one to learn HOW to behave differently instead of remaining at lofty levels of unfruitful talk about love and consideration... (This reminds one of Eric Berne's "stroking" in Transactional Analysis, most popular in the 60s & '70s. "Stroking" however, connotes more manipulation.)
The authors have done a good service to make Jaak Panksepp's pioneering studies in Affective Neuroscience accessible to readers in Step Two: Discover Your Brain's Emotional Command Systems. (It would be interesting to see if there are any correlations with the Enneagram systems, which study nine-types of personality.)
Step Three: Examine Emotional Heritage, gives a good illustration of the value of the "emotion-coaching philosophy". The other books that I've mentioned give many more examples.
Step Four: Sharpen Your Emotional Communication Skills, gives interesting coverage to sharpen sensory acuity and listening skills (much stressed in NLP, Neuro-linguistic Programming). [I personally tend to differ from the author's sweeping dismissal of "the pseudoscience of physiognomy", p. 178. I still see some value of a more scientific approach in verifying the significance of permanent features and also fleeting changes in physiognomy. Cf. My several reviews of "face-reading".]
Step Five: Find Shared Meaning, brings us beyond behaviorism and studies truly human interactions and rituals.
Detailed applications of these 5 steps are given to different relationships: marital, parental, friendship, sibling, coworker. The book is ideal for personal and shared reflections, retreats, marriage encounters and workshops. I have already been actively promoting it and sincerely hope that it will reach the best-seller list. Gottman and team well-deserve the reputation and publicity they receive. Readers will not be disappointed. Relationships not needing cure will also be much enriched. [From a Christian viewpoint, it is in relationships that we can reflect the communion and unity in diversity of the Trinity, that we continue to become the image of God, and embody the presence of Christ today. Salvador Dali's Last Supper depicted a Risen Christ without any face. It is the quality of our relationships that will show forth the face of God.
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 作者 : Eric Jensen
書評 : George Zee
內容簡介 :
Jensen has expanded Ch. 12 of his excellent Brain-based Learning into this valuable contribution to educators in summarizing and highlighting the importance of movement and activities for learning.
The distinction between explicit learning (test-oriented lecture, textbooks, research, video, and discussion) and
implicit learning (dance, theater, physical education, recess, aerobics, energizers, sports, and simple games) is useful.
This book makes a strong case for implicit learning. Those who are familiar with Jensen's work can expect a good,
up-to-date grounding in brain functioning and the scientific basis of various practices. Most readers will find the book an informative, readable resource.
Numerous drawings and charts facilitate the understanding. "65 all-time best activators" have been selected.
In trying to give an overall coverage, some areas may inevitably be given short shrift.
For example, practitioners of Brain Gym are leading in introducing movement in education with great results based on research.
But page 35 says that students of Brain Gym "may be merely benefiting from the extra attention".
However, the book is unique as a relevant, eye-opening introduction.
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 作者 : Bill O'Hanlon, William Hudson O'Hanlon
書評 : George Zee
內容簡介 :
I am glad this very practical and wise book is available so quickly in paperback, with a clearer new subtitle.
O'Hanlon applies his expertise in Ericksonian hypnosis, solution-oriented therapy and his possibility therapy to life in general.
Through simple language without any jargon, and numerous enlightening true stories,
he instills hope by freeing people from the past and limited beliefs, and by helping them to stop analyzing and actually change by doing what works,
changing their viewing of the problem and applying the 10 solution keys.
He is "painfully aware that life is more complex than anything even the wisest and best-written book can contain."
and quotes Mark Twain's warning: "Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."(p.195)
The whole book is precisely the anti-dote to such obsessive and rigid thinking at the root of many of our problems and stuckness.
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 作者 : Sara Paddison
書評 : George Zee
內容簡介 :
Sara Paddison gives a winning and very personal testimony to the value of the Heartmath world-view and techniques.
If you look through the Table of Contents, you may easily classify the book under "spirituality" with chapters on compassion,
surrender, God's creation, deep heart listening, forgiveness, death... The heart of the book can be summarised, I think, by this paragraph.
"As you practice loving each person you meet, you will perceive at deeper levels that earth is all one family, a global family living in one back yard.
The first step of the mathematical equation for fulfillment, one that anyone can do and understand, is to just love the people.
The more people in this stressful world that can build this foundation and take Step 1, the better chance humanity has." (2nd last page) Yet this is not mere pious verbiage.
Readers are introduced to the scientific basis, world-view and technology of Heartmath. (Please confer my review of Cut-thru for some background.)
I'd recommend this book in particular to people who are under stress, confused or not finding meaning in life. Sara's own experiences may inspire them.
My reservations with the book are related to language that is too vague and sweeping. For example, "Einstein's discovery that everything is energy helped launch a whole new science,
Quantum Physics, which states that nothing is really separate from anything else, everything is interconnected and interrelated." (p. 77) In reading the crucial chapter on "The Dimensional Shift",
I miss more stringent criteria for each of the 5 dimensions. And I still don't know what the author's first two dimensions are.
Even though I'm a Catholic priest, I actually feel uncomfortable in Chapter 14's mixing science with faith, using the Big Bang to prove God's creation.
There are more recent evidences of an expanding universe. But in terms of science, we cannot rule out an eternal pulsating universe before the Big Bang.
Science deals with the realm of knowledge that can be postulated and proved, while faith is in the realm of beliefs, values and meaning.
The Genesis story of creation has no implication for how the world developed scientifically.
It only aims at shedding light on the meaning of life, of each person in face of evil and suffering.
How do you explain light before the creation of the sun on the 4th day? [Aside from a short Introduction by Deborah Rozman, Ph.D. and the author's expanded Preface, the only revisions that I can spot are 4 to 5 pages in Chapter 15 on "Holographic Awareness".
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 作者 : Carla Hannaford
書評 : George Zee
內容簡介 :
This is a unique book, blending profound scientific inquiry into what allows children to prosper, with the candid story of personal experiences and the upbringing of Breeze, Carla's daughter. For those who haven't personally met these two wonderful persons, it will help to take a good look at their photos first and feel their loving and intimate company as you read the book, written with the "child heart".
The "Child Heart" is a symbol of coherent universal connection. After a decade of the brain, Carla advocates "The Decade of the Child Heart", envisioning "the possibilities of a world of people who truly loved and empowered children, themselves and other adults. Our emphasis might be on community coherence and cooperation rather than commerce, competition and warfare." (p.159)
Coherence is "a conscious state of being in alignment with our purpose, joy, happiness and connection to others." (p.2) This is a key concept throughout the book. The Heartmath Institute found that the heart rate variability becomes coherent with feelings of appreciation, love, joy, and incoherent with frustration and stress. Such patterns affect the brain functions.
So many useful and fascinating insights, gleaned from extensive scientific studies are clearly summarized and explained in this book of under 200 pages, illustrated by over 30 figures. One gains enlightened understanding of: stress, depression, stress in utero, the heart as emotion generator, a new world-view of vibrational patterns, the key roles of sound, music, movement and play... Carla is an excellent guide. It is better than reading dozens of such books and not grasping the essentials and interconnections.
Just to quote one example on "The Sound of Dyslexia". "Many researchers now believe that dyslexia begins in utero with maternal stress that affects the semicircular canals. The resulting underdeveloped vestibular system affects the ability to hear..." The inadequate development of hearing "can end up with behavioral patterns that we label as Dyslexia, ADHD, Learning Disabled and even Emotionally Handicapped" (pp.110-111)
There are also many nourishing and thought-provoking quotes throughout the book.
E.g. "Everything happens as if human behavior were largely conditioned by the manner in which one hears." -Guy Berard, M.D. (p.110) "Laughter is the quintessential human social signal. It solidifies relationships and pulls people into the fold." -Albert Provine...
Every parent and prospective parent, all educators can learn much from studying this informative and compassionate book. "Awakening the Child Heart" is the revolution in education and "Global Parenting" that we sorely need throughout the driven, isolated and pill-dependent world.
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 作者 : Martha Kaufeldt
書評 : George Zee
內容簡介 :
This is a surprisingly useful book. I wish all teachers and teachers-to-be can benefit from it. For busy teachers who don't have the luxury to read up on so many diverse sources, you get a good distillation of their applications.
"Don't smile until Christmas!" is the conventional wisdom. Martha's first suggestion is to SMILE. Chapter 1, "From Fear to Flow" highlights the importance of safe environment and "relaxed alertness" for learning and quotes the eight components of FLOW.
Many "good ideas" marked by the icon of a light bulb, sensible quotes and summaries, questions that challenge our assumptions are given throughout the book.
Each chapter starts with a cartoon and a brief summary of "Begin with the Brain" principle. E.g. Ch. 3 on "Patterns and Procedures: Organizing Systems for Orderliness" begins with the following statements. "The brain innately seeks to detect familiar and useful patterns in its environment. These patterns give a context to what otherwise might be interpreted as meaningless. These meaningful patterns, when practiced, become wired in the brain as programs." Then the author goes on to make applications, refining distinctions such as setting standards rather than imposing rules, the need for procedures and routines rather than discipline... and provides tools for teachers.
Martha does not cover the anatomy and functions of the brain. But we get both good brain-compatible, democratic, student-center principles and support for developing relevant skills without getting into polemics. I trust teachers will appreciate the challenge to one's thinking and practice and all the help given here. When well assimilated, we are all taught not only good principles and practices for teaching and learning, but also for living.
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 作者 : Michael Fullan
書評 : George Zee
內容簡介 :
In an increasingly complex and fast-changing world, we cannot just rely on charismatic leaders to solve our problems. We need to cultivate leadership at all levels of any organization, business or education, "to face problems for which there are no simple, painless solutions" (p.3). Instead of prescribing recipes of set steps for leaders, Fullan gives a framework or new mind-set of 5 themes or capacities. Figure 1.1 (p.4) gives a clear image of the non-linear interacting components: the inner pie of moral purpose (acting with the intention of making a positive difference), understanding change, relationship building, knowledge creation and sharing, and coherence making. It is surrounded by an outer rim of the personal characteristics of leaders: "energy-enthusiasm-hopefulness". Effective leaders thus mobilize commitment, both external (based on management policies) and internal (getting a job done is intrinsically rewarding). The aim or outcome of leadership is to make sure that "more good things happen" and "fewer bad things happen" defined according to different contexts.
Fullan gives many case studies and quotes interesting and relevant sources. For example, it is very helpful to learn and use the different leadership styles identified by Goleman in response to different needs (pp. 35ff). The 6 styles are: 1. Coercive ("Do what I tell you."). 2. Authoritative ("Come with me."). 3. Affiliative ("People come first."). 4. Democratic ("What do you thin?"). 5. Pacesetting ("Do as I do, now."). 6. Coaching ("Try this").
While stressing the importance of relationships, the author also cautions us that close relationships are not ends in themselves. Bad practices can often be reinforced by the community (p.67). In talking about leading change, Fullan reminds us to be tortoise-like and quotes Claxton's "slow knowing" (pp.122-3).
I have read this slim book several times and have found it very worthwhile and enlightening.
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 作者 : Tara Bennett-Goleman (Reader),
Lama Dalai
書評 : George Zee
內容簡介 :
Alchemy is the process of transformation. It describes "the process of integrating mindfulness with emotional work." "Mindfulness means seeing things as they are, without trying to change them." (p. 6) Tara is an excellent guide. Mindfulness grows on you as you ponder through the numerous personal and therapy stories and descriptions. You really learn to appreciate and taste the contemplative, compassionate, accepting, equanimous, present-focused, light-hearted and liberating mindfulness permeating throughout the book.
At the recommendation of Fr. Anthony de Mello, 10 Catholic priests, including myself, and 8 Sisters (doing a full-year's Sadhana) had the privilege of following S. N. Goenka, for intensive Vipassana or Insight Meditation retreats at Igatpuri, near Bombay, in India, in 1976. The focal point was on sharpening our awareness of breathing, thoughts, body sensations, feelings and accepting whatever IS without judging.
Tara has followed Goenka and many other masters. She suggests many easy-to-follow exercises for awareness and integration. You pick up such awareness by osmosis in reading the book and practising the exercises.
Dalai Lama wrote the Foreword. Though Buddhists like Goenka, Thich Nhat Hanh, Dalai Lama and many Zen and Tibetan masters have done much to popularise "mindfulness", you don't have to believe in Buddha to practise such mindfulness.
About 3 decades ago, Beisser, summarized the essence of Gestalt Therapy as "The paradoxical law of change": "When you accept what IS, change occurs." That is mindfulness. Charles T. Tart, Andrew Weil and many others have all written on mindfulness without a religious context..
Tara not only conveys the spirit of mindfulness here. She explains the changes in the brain and adopts the framework of Cognitive or Schema Therapy. Applying mindfulness to our schemas--mental models, ingrained patterns of perception and response or screening filters--is a fruitful path to inner freedom. 10 maladaptive emotional habits and patterns are described: Abandonment, Deprivation, Subjugation, Mistrust, Unlovability, Exclusion, Vulnerability, Failure, Perfectionism, Entitlement. This is a very concise and illuminating study of developmental psychology. 2 pages on entitlement schema (pp. 93-95) are very relevant for the "Age of Entitlement" (cf. Robert J. Samuelson).
From Part I on Emotional Alchemy, you go on to Things as They Seem, then A Mindful Therapy and end in Part IV with Spiritual Alchemy. It is such an enriching journey to awareness, insight and true freedom. Space prohibits any further elaboration. If only everyone, regardless of any religious affiliation, can follow the practice and embark on this journey, what a transformed world we'd be!
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書名:你可以不生
